Heartbeat and Affinity

                If you weren’t aware, I recently traveled on a whirlwind adventure to the frozen north. While not technically frozen, Canada is more than enough ‘north’ to fit the description. Indeed it was reasonably warm for my brief jaunt. I departed to visit my fiancé, Chelsea. We see each other ‘irl’ (In Real Life) quite infrequently due to the considerable distance, so it was a welcome event. The nature of our relationship dictates that one or both of us will have to inhabit an unfamiliar territory when we marry, and of late the scale has been tipped further in her direction. I had this in mind during this trip and scanned everything as if I was intending on moving there, which it seems I am. This upset Chelsea, who expressed a feeling of annoyance over my nitpicking.

It’s not as though I was wading through mud huts (or igloos) in the market to purchase sustenance, the culture is relatively the same. The issue is the small differences, whether due to being situated in a foreign country or in a heftier city. One grievance is nearly everything is vastly more expensive in Canada. The first instance that I spotted a 300% markup I was shell shocked. For example, after church my family and usually a few guests will inhabit ‘the’ McDonalds. I will expend $5.00 as a means of procuring a substantial lunch consisting of three sandwiches and a drink. In Canada, $4.39 will net you a whopping single, solitary sandwich (tax not included). Had I chose my traditional feast, it would have rung up in the neighborhood of $20.00. Canadians must have a field day vacationing in the US. “Look dear! These bottles of water are priced in only the double digits!” However, Chelsea was most displeased with me after church.

I hold a few (apparently unique) views on church. Firstly, to me there is a difference between ‘the church’ and the Church. Both of these are important. ‘The church’, pertaining to the building, to the serving of community and others, to the sermon and Sunday morning service, to the programs, and to all of the semi-governmental duties of ‘the church’ to smooth out life and provide a community center is all fine and dandy. However, the Church, or rather the assembly of people who love God and dedicate their life to Him, is of more importance. ‘The church’ only exists to help the Church in my mind. Secondly, I have an issue with Christian traditions. Traditions have a place, but they are not supposed to be in place of God.

My quandaries with Chelsea’s church fall firmly under the realm of ‘not deal breaking’. I held issues with communion occurring each Sunday, the manner in which announcements were stated, and how they received offerings. Inversely, I exceptionally enjoyed the pastor’s messages for both services I attended. I have no complaints on the Church, as I never encountered any members barring those I had known prior (e.g. Chelsea, her grandmother, her uncle, etc.). Though I imagine I am quite spoiled as I possess a church home that complements me wonderfully - the only complaint I have is the (practically) forced standing at every worship song (I am told this is a choice, I disagree). Communion happens less frequently, which makes it rarer. There are no offering plates, you simply deposit if you wish in the back after or before the service. Announcements are quick, and they take special care not to interrupt God as he works in personal lives; they go so far as to allow a few minutes in the beginning for everyone to pray silently and have their moment with God before the service, which is amazing. Because I have discovered a church in which I feel at home and supported, the notion of transferring to a different church places me on edge. I presume my familiarity is the reason I am distressed about small, insignificant things; though that may just be my nature. It’s about the ‘big picture’, right? The ‘big picture’ of… what is their mission statement again? What is their heartbeat?

God calls us to do many different things, from taking care of widows to evangelizing the lost. Usually we come across one distinctive purpose that resonates more with us than the rest, and that’s how we function to bring glory to the Lord. I would define this as your specific heartbeat. Churches have these too, often notated as mission statements. 360 has the statement of ‘Grow relationships small’ as their tagline. To elucidate on that, they mean specifically, ‘small circle relationships’. Chelsea’s church seems to be aimed more at being a mega-church with evangelism (as seen on their “our-dna” page) than a catalyst for relationships. Their tagline states ‘One church, many locations’. This doesn’t mean it’s bad, it just means our heartbeats are dissimilar. I fit in with my current church so well, but will I be as effective in this new church? It’s time to examine my own heartbeat.

I drink the Kool-Aid pretty fervently at my church, and I like to believe that my heartbeat is synchronized with theirs (and God’s). So much so that if you were to inquire as to my thoughts on the meaning of life, I would respond in one word: Relationships. Your relationship with God and your relationships with others are the principal factor in life. That’s where my heartbeat resonates, relationships. I believe that via loving another in a godly manner, everything else transpires. Even Jesus says something akin to this in Matthew 22, and Paul repeats it in Romans 13. Love God and love others, it’s quite straightforward, isn’t it? Even through this, I would have a tricky time truly loving someone who speaks a different language or has a wholly separate set of morals and standards than I do. I’m only human, what do you expect? My heartbeat is for relationships, but due to my affinity I can only relate to certain types of people. 

Forewarning, I’m repurposing the word affinity to serve my needs. For the duration of this article I’m demarcating the definition of ‘affinity’ as such: An experience, trait, hobby, or talent that allows for relatability between individuals. Therefore, one who has an experience with divorce will possess an affinity for those going through difficult marital straits. One who has battled drug addiction will have an affinity for those in the depths of cocaine dependence. This doesn’t necessarily have to be linked with sin however, nor is there only one affinity per person. Those who understand music will strike a chord with those who understand music, for instance. I need to consider my affinity as well as my heartbeat to find what specific, individual purpose I’m given. Some have the heartbeat of giving care to others and the affinity for the inner city, this would equate to inner city ministry. With a heartbeat of evangelism and an affinity for a foreign country, the next step would be missions to tell them the gospel. I suppose we could redefine another word and say that heartbeat plus affinity equals mission. So, what are my defining affinities? Children, please plug your ears and run screaming out of the room at this point. Parents, I am deeply sorry for what I have wrought.

I will skip over the rather commonplace affinities that I have (video games, computer repair) and mention my most defining affinity as it would relate into ministry (as far as I can anticipate). Unfortunately, it is an experience affinity and is the sin I most struggle with at the moment. Addiction to pornography is my largest vice, though I’m starting to suspect had I been more of a brave young gentleman with the ladies it would have grown in magnitude. It started when I was little, and thanks to my computer savvy I don’t believe I was really ever caught. It took me a long time to even realize it was a sin, much less an addiction. I started quite young, as boys are apt to do, and it proceeded throughout my entire life from that point on. Culture said it was normal and healthy, ‘boys will be boys’ is a phrase I heard commonly. When I finally came to Christ the stigma of acceptance was still hanging on the habit. It wasn’t until after Chelsea and I had started dating that it became an issue. She was not comfortable with me feeding my habit, and I agreed to her demands to stop. Well, if it were that easy it wouldn’t be a story, would it?

I proceeded to lie to her for roughly a year and a half that I had not been looking at pornography. I kept telling myself, “I’ll stop after this time” over and over. ‘Next time’ never came for me. Finally it occurred to me what I had done. Nothing sobers you quite like realizing how far you’ve fallen. I’d constantly been the voice of reason throughout high school, never getting into drugs, alcohol, or sexual promiscuity (is that a word?). I was a clever lad and everyone knew it. My teachers told me I was smart, my parents, my friends, everyone in the world told me I was intelligent. I didn’t get perfect grades, but I was a remarkable young man according to those around me. Why did I all of a sudden feel like I was worthless? I cheated on my wife-to-be and lied to her about it for one and a half years. I was supposed to be the leader, and I obviously did not deserve that designation.

It took me a long time to understand it was an addiction, and even longer still to tell anyone. I was afraid I would lose the only woman who had ever reciprocated interest, and that was scary. The night I decided I would tell her was the only night I ever dropped into a Christian chat room. I couldn’t get a hold of anybody I could talk to, and I needed to talk. I needed advice. I needed validation that I wasn’t worthless. I had always had self-esteem issues, but I didn’t realize it had been built up by Chelsea until I demolished it with this. I asked shakily if anyone would listen to my story and give me advice. A bighearted fellow by the handle of “Hunter” agreed to do so. Though, I suppose the scene was very comical at the time, the server for that particular chat room had been just reset and so in order to do private messaging we all had to register (again for most). Hunter had an issue with this, so it was nearly twenty minutes until I was able to let it out.

I told him about my pornography addiction and my lies that persisted for so long. He told me that God still loved me, which was something I desperately need to hear. He told me of a website that gave out lessons for helping those with addictions in a Christian manner, but would only give me the address if I promised I would finish it. I promised, and with a few more words of kindness I felt composed enough to sleep for the night. I started my first lesson on Setting Captives Free the next day, and then confronted Chelsea. I told her about everything, and my plan to rectify it. She was, shall we say, very displeased with me. How she concluded to stay with me I do not know, but I thank God she did.

Unfortunately, this sin still hangs over our relationship like an unwelcome guest. I have been so far unable to kick this addiction and it has created abundant tension between us. There are still kerfuffles between us due to this (and other things), but generally we are okay. If God always has a plan for events in our life, what was the point of this experience?  Really it’s hard to tell, but I can say that I understand brokenness more now than I had before. I am by no means perfect, or even close. I’m simply a burgeoning young adult who needs to learn to walk more in step with his creator. Even so, now I will be able to understand someone afflicted with addiction. I will be able to walk along side another man that needs to tear down his lies. I will know that no matter how often, consistently, or fantastically I fail, there will always be at least one being that loves me unconditionally. God.

The same applies to you, dear reader. What's more, he gave you the experience for the task ahead. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is custom tailored to you through your heartbeat and affinity. What are they?

5 Simple Rules for Reading the Holy Scriptures

I was up in Tampa recently, visiting a few friends that live there. I found myself in a brief discussion with one of them, Mike, about the authors of the Bible. He mentioned over one hundred authors contributed, I disagreed.  We disputed back and forth for a while until I declared there were only 66 books, and I knew for a fact that certain books shared authors. Mike countered by inquiring whose decision it was to include and exclude books in the biblical canon. The argument arose not from bad estimation, but from our classifications of what an ‘author’ was. He encompassed any individual who had an effect on the final product through means of writing, editing, or translating. In this designation, he was very much correct, and likely there were thousands of authors. My opinion was of the only ‘author’ was the original human writer. We were both correct, but on different questions.

                Arguments and fights regularly are birthed from a humble misunderstanding of the other participant. My mother often weaves a yarn of her mother and herself fighting with the same opinion worded differently. One of the hardest things to do in a fight is to comprehend the views of your adversary, but it’s typically the smartest and swiftest course of action. If you can grasp their thoughts, you will recognize if your position is right or wrong, and how to express that. You learn which rulebook they play with. Imagine any competitive sport, for instance. They identify goals, boundaries, points, fouls, punishments, time limits, and everything pertaining to that sport. If one knows nothing about that sport, a read through the rulebook explains it all.

In life, or at least the Christian life, we possess a mutual rulebook – the Bible – that we play by. Any argument is quickly routed by ferreting out the correct verse (or collection of verses) and slapping it/them down on the table proclaiming, “It says so right here! Q.E.D.” It wasn’t until further on in my relationship with my fiancé that this easy fix-all was broken. In an argument I deemed she was mistaken, and all I had to do was slap down a verse to clear it all up. She disagreed, “See? This proves my point!” I was astonished that she was this wrong! Offering the benefit of the doubt, I examined the verse again. Obviously it implied what I had assumed, but I could see where she had gotten her opinion as well. (I am being facetious, her belief was equally valid.) Yet this is also a predicament. Here we are with the same rulebook, but a dissimilar method to decipher it. If there is a communal rulebook, we need an analogous way to read it. Therefore, I have concocted 5 simple ground rules for “Spiritually Outclassed Bible Reading™”.

1)      Everything in the Bible is absolutely true.

This is a foundation for comprehending the Bible, I believe. You may not share my beliefs, but please play along for the duration. It will align us to the same ‘rulebook’. (Though, I will mention quickly that there are opposing beliefs on what books belong in the bible.)

2)      Everything in the bible is divinely inspired.

It is a tenant in the Christian faith to believe that the Bible is 100% true and divinely inspired. The basis for proclaiming the scriptures are directly from God is ordinarily (to my limited erudition) referenced from 2 Peter 1. With this as a given, ‘picking and choosing’ what sections of the Bible to believe is unacceptable. It is all true and all meant for you. (Again, there are opposing viewpoints on divine inspiration.)

3)      Every verse requires context.

a.      Who wrote it

b.      Who was it written to

c.      What was happening

d.      What was the purpose

Too many times have I heard misused verses. Without context, even mundane speech can be exploited for unintended purposes. Consequently, I have included this rule. Before interpreting a verse, you must first determine the above parameters.

4)      Every popular opinion is not inherently truth.

Imagine a commonplace story from the Bible. Let’s take the nativity, for instance. It’s very well-known and replicated in most towns during Christmas. The infant Jesus resting in a manger next to his parents, angels, three kings, shepherds, and animals is the usual mental picture. However, this is incorrect. Therefore, if it is popular opinion, check it twice to make sure it’s correct. 

5)      Every time a book is read, more is understood.

In English class, you’re taught to first scan over the various chapters and plot the general outline so that you fathom more when you read it fully. In scripture, I would say the same. Each book should be skimmed and read to ensure you understand. Truly, it is so laden with meaning, later read-throughs should be mandatory to comprehend more.

Mission Statement

                The bible is an astounding book, or so I’m told. Its thousands and thousands of pages hold stories that have been referenced time and time again, and without this base of understanding you would be left in bewilderment as someone will allude to how they are David to someone’s Goliath. Maybe there’s one in your life who is better with animals than Noah and his Ark, or they complain how it’s such a Job to have terrible events occur constantly in their life.

                I’m always flabbergasted by people that I talk to that can pull verses from thin air, complete with verse numbers, book names, annotations ^[1], and related anecdotes. They sadly mutter, “I still need a mnemonic to remember the order and names of the books of the bible.” Oh, I’m sorry about your inability to also list the order of all 66 books in addition to knowing every story and verse. I still have to sing the alphabet song repeatedly while alphabetizing anything that isn’t on a computer.

                Indeed, it seems I accidentally surround myself with these types on occasion, completely to my surprise. I recently started in an @ group. This is the name for the small groups at my church, the ‘middle circle’ that our pastor refers to. They are based on either age or interest, so there were a few that were on the lookout for new members: the exercise group, the 20’s age group, 30’s age group, 40’s age group (and so on), and the boating group. A brief introduction of myself: I’m 20, overweight, and am not a fan of the water. The 20’s age group it was.

                It turned out to be less the “20’s age group” and more the “young married couples” group. I, myself, am engaged, but live apart from my fiancé. I am not in the same stage of life as them, and it showed. There were a few singles there; single women, and all seemingly younger than me. There was one individual I knew there, but he was occupied with his wife and trying to fish out conversation from the other members. I can't speak for the other members of this group, but for me the experience felt awkward and forced. I am indeed in the 20’s age range, but this group was not for me. However, I'm sure either I'm the only one who felt this way, or they have ironed out the kinks by this time. I hear they are all doing quite well!

                Fast forward a few months, and my friend Rodney got involved in the SRQ Commit @ group. This was based around a ministry that the individuals in the group were doing together, which was the aforementioned SRQ Commit event on Thursday mornings in the early mornings focused on teaching men, secular or otherwise, to be ‘better men’. I have not gone yet, but I plan to in the future to see how it works. The ‘vision leader’ of our church, Val, insisted I go with my friend, and my last attempts to be in any @ group had fizzled in failure.

                I tried my best to give an excuse. I lived far away, I didn’t have money for gas, a dragon was attacking my village; all my normal excuses kept being countered by Rodney. “I’ll drive.” He said. “Don’t worry about gas money.” He said. “I’ll slay it.” He said. Without an excuse left, I really had no reason not to go beyond, “I’m slightly socially awkward and would be a little uncomfortable. Plus, video games are calling my name.” This is not a valid excuse for friends who wish for you to grow in your relationship with Christ, and thusly I went.

                My @ group consisted of a gentleman in his 40s, Rodney (who had gone to college for being a pastor), a pastor and his wife, a gentleman who might of well have been a pastor and his wife, and me. Our meeting commenced after some brownies and we started to peruse the question’s we had been given for that week’s sermon. I was used to the awkward stutter-talking that happens commonly in my age range, where a new person in the midst of conversation threw a wrench into the gears. However, these people were unfazed by my presence, continuing as though I had been in attendance the entire time. They brought up answers to the questions that I would never have thought of. Every word from my mouth felt childish and immature before these seeming pillars of biblical knowledge. I mentioned a couple of my opinions in hopes of showing off my limited erudition. They then proceeded to complete my thoughts, with dotted i’s, crossed t’s, and annotated verses ^[2].

                Lest I paint the wrong picture, it was quite enjoyable. I am now a hopefully permanent member of this group and look forward to each of our meetings. I mentioned to Rodney after the meeting that I had felt handicapped when going toe-to-toe to these biblical leviathans. Everyone there had years of experience over me, and in some cases formal training. I had felt spiritually outclassed.

                That thought was on my mind this week at church, where Steve (the pastor) gave his sermon. If you wish to hear it, here is the link. In brief summation, the message was that we should be self-seekers of the truth, instead of relying on others for our faith. Through his visuals, he motioned that it would be like an adult cow still feeding from its adult mother, yet we need to go and ‘feed’ ourselves. It was a good message, and very close to home. Indeed, it knocked on the bathroom door in the most awkward of times.

                If you know me, and we have talked very much, you know my lack of biblical knowledge. Now, the implication is not that I am deficient of wisdom in this manner. I have attained a grasp of our Lord through the way I believe most people begin; through other people. I believe I know at least the most fundamental characteristics of God, and I’d like to think that I have a high level of spiritual maturity to my age group. However, much of my knowledge is based solely upon situations that I have happened to be a part of. My scope is very focused, though not all too intense.

                I’ve made plans to read the bible, I’ve asked people to hold me accountable, I’ve tried to absorb the bible via diffusion, but nothing has as of yet worked (though I will post if anything breaks through on the diffusion front). I’m certain this is not an odd problem, that I cannot wade through such thick waters without a little hesitation, correct? The problem isn’t even my aptitude for reading. My science books in high school were always read cover to cover during classroom boredom. During long pauses in band, I would glance at tutorials online on how to better myself in my music. I’ve been known to gorge myself on a book if it catches my fancy, but there’s one crucial difference. They were simple.

                English made itself known in the middle of my “favorite classes” list due to being both despised and loved in my mind. I’ve always enjoyed the complicated and interpretive rules of grammar, and the ability to weave magic into other’s minds with a story. I’ve even spun threads for my fiancé during special events, such as our anniversary. She keeps them, despite my counsel. However, English also glazed over the art of finding recurring themes in a book and then linking them to some lesson or morale in life.

                I didn’t really board that specific train very easily in high school, but I can understand it to a degree. I tend to divulge meaning at face value. When I’m told by a friend that they are leaving to buy ice cream, I don’t expect them to return triumphantly announcing they have bought a new pair of shoes. This is a level of abstraction I can only define as a cuil. However, when occurring in a book or movie, people will loudly gasp as if ice cream was simply a code word for shoes the entire time. They leave the theater in tears, pronouncing how this filmmaker had wrapped up the human condition with laces and 31 flavors. I understand some movies have something more to say, but sometimes I just don’t see it. Enter Rodney, stage left.

He loves to see the deeper meaning in movies or books, to see what the writer says about life. When the chance to see ‘Chocolate and Vanilla: A Tale of Two Cones’ arrived, he would jump (in his New Balance sneakers) to see it; though I like to imagine he would slip ironically on an empty container of banana-flavored ice cream upon departure. He even classifies movies between ‘islands’ and… I guess not-islands. He never gave a name for the latter to my memory. An island is a movie which is fantastic, but doesn’t give a message pertaining to the world at large. Reverse that meaning for the reverse island, the movie is fantastic and says something about the world at large. With that image, I shall call them ‘lake’ films, or perhaps oceans if they’re deep. You’re welcome Rodney. (P.S. If you are also highly interested in film, here is his blog about said films.)

                When I view a film, my priority is entertainment. When I read a book, that same priority exists. When I play video games, the purpose is to ‘pwn noobs’, not to understand more about myself. This isn’t to say I do not appreciate these ‘lake’ films, nor do I miss epic storylines in particular games; it simply doesn’t come without effort, and is not the first thing on my mind. I suppose that would be the primary issue I have with pouring through the bible. Every word drips with meaning, there are coincidences and connections all the way through, and everything ties in. This is not an activity for my entertainment. The closest event I can compare it with is studying for a big test. Spoiler: I never studied in school. I presume this is the block I have. I don’t look forward to reading an assignment every day. Unfortunately, the test is more in line with a pop quiz, and I don’t know when that particular trap will be sprung. Though with that analogy, everyone would be students and the classroom needn’t be so alone, especially since we already have our homework assigned.

                With that said, here is my mission statement for this blog. Firstly, I am going to attempt to read one (1) book of the bible per week and jot down my thoughts on it. This will be in order as it is in the bible, from Genesis to Revelations. I encourage any individuals reading to take part as well. If you are Christian, learn more about your faith and be less spiritually outclassed. If you are not, the bible may not be your cup of tea, but it is one of the most referenced books in literature. Likely, it would benefit you to have the bible under your belt for general knowledge. Secondly, addition to my weekly readings, this blog will detail my 'trials' and 'tribulations' past and present. This will be about me and my life, so anything pertaining to that shall be fair game for a post. I believe God made my life and everything I interact with, so technically it isn't off-topic! Inspiration can come from anything, and lessons have the potential to be taught through a variety of means.

                I am a student. I do not know or understand everything, nor do I believe I ever will in this life. I’m going to try my hardest though. Care to join me?